Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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