Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
