she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
