can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
