So drunk, too bad you don't want this
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
