I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
