my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
