What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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