Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
