I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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