I'm going to jail i love you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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