Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
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Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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