Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
