We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
