Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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