so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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