I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
