am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
