It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
