Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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