I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
