Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
