writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
