Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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