dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
