Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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