Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
