I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
