I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
