2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
