She said her name was "party"
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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