I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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