Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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