Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
