dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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