what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
