there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
