Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

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(516): the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice" http://tfl.nu/bgbh

Replies (18) Good night (3900) Bad night (931)
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(310): View more from California

Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.

(310): View more from California

I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.

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(310): Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail. (310): I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore. http://tfl.nu/tf34

Replies (11) Good night (3636) Bad night (940)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.

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(580): I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite. http://tfl.nu/hgau

Replies (12) Good night (774) Bad night (2574)
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(325): View more from Texas

When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous

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(325): When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous http://tfl.nu/im9q

Replies (26) Good night (857) Bad night (4448)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.

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(843): Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought. http://tfl.nu/bahq

Replies (14) Good night (736) Bad night (4447)
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(712): View more from Iowa

My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!

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(712): My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN! http://tfl.nu/er39

Replies (34) Good night (6731) Bad night (1255)
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(847): View more from Illinois

You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

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(847): You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive. http://tfl.nu/z8kz

Replies (19) Good night (7134) Bad night (1215)
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(208): View more from Idaho

aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.

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(208): aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it. http://tfl.nu/sbum

Replies (18) Good night (7294) Bad night (1312)
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(512): View more from Texas

It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.

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(512): It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad. http://tfl.nu/27g7

Replies (24) Good night (783) Bad night (6263)
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(708): View more from Illinois

My lips are sealed. Both pairs.

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(708): My lips are sealed. Both pairs. http://tfl.nu/26rg

Replies (11) Good night (3206) Bad night (979)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.

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(570): Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid. http://tfl.nu/hx89

Replies (15) Good night (652) Bad night (3368)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

(507): View more from Minnesota

Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

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(651): This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease. (507): Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits. http://tfl.nu/blof

Replies (18) Good night (2731) Bad night (948)
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(315): View more from New York

15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...

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(315): 15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that... http://tfl.nu/f0xw

Replies (4) Good night (1373) Bad night (552)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.

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(402): Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal. http://tfl.nu/0e3u

Replies (9) Good night (1289) Bad night (628)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.

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(704): I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave. http://tfl.nu/v72z

Replies (4) Good night (793) Bad night (226)

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