i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.