How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.