i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do vagina's smell?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.