Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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