i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions