Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels