I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt