thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
