i'm lost and i look like a hooker
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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