how can u be prego again
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
