i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
