so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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