That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
