Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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