My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
