Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need water and some morals
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
