Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
