shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
