Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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