she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
