remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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