Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
