He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
