i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
