i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
