I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
