You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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