Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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