You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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