when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
