Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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