Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
