I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
